So BuSTiD

I'm sorry but one of the great things about having watched a lousy film is catching up with all the snark afterwards. It's palate-cleansing and I'm not sure why I'm apologising.

Yes, this is still about the Star Trek film.

On to the Exhibits:

1. We need FAQs, right? Of course we do; it's only...logical.

And why did Spock have to go with the bomb to set it off? Are you telling me in the 23^rd century that people don’t have a way to detonate bombs remotely? That’s stupid.

Well —

And why the fuck is the Enterprise just carrying around a cold fusion suitcase bomb anyways?

Look, you’re getting very upset, and this is just the first scene of the movie.

...

Why was Khan floating in space?

Actually, this Khan has the same origin as the original Khan; he’s a genetically engineered warrior, created for the Eugenics Wars of the 1990s. He ruled part of Asia befor —

Wait, what? The Eugenics Wars of the 1990s?

Yes. 

We didn’t have any Eugenics Wars in the 1990s, unless you count Dawson’s Creek.

Yeah, but Gene Roddenberry didn’t know that when he created Khan in 1967.

But we do, because it’s 2013.

But it’s canon! Don’t you like canon?

I like it when it doesn’t get stupid. And why the hell would Abrams and crew stick to Khan’s origin timeline, even though it makes zero sense, but also suddenly change him to a white dude? That’s cherry-picking the stupidest parts of canon and non-canon!

I don’t know. I think it’s nice that in this day and age, a white male can still be cast as an Indian played by a Mexican. White men really have come a long way!

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Ideally, this should be the point where we whiz past Exhibit 2 to Exhibit 3 (or, I should just shift Exhibit 3 and make it Exhibit 2, but I won't), but let me build suspense the JJ Abrams way, okay? It might get me a job in Hollywood some day. So...

2. In which Josh Horowitz asks the writer of STiD, Damon Lindelof, some questions and many mails are exchanged.

From: Josh Horowitz
To: Damon Lindelof
Sent: Sat, May 11, 2013 2:58 pm

Damon,

Here we go again. Thanks for subjecting yourself to my nerdy inquiries once again. {readcted because blahblah} Congratulations.

OK, down to the nitty gritty. I feel like I have to start with the biggest mystery/conversation that's surrounded the film from the get go. Why is Alice Eve in her underwear at one point? Oh and also, let's discuss your villain.

Yeah, I'm not waiting around for that re-run, but of course you guys have to go read.

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Finally! Exhibit 3! The one you've I've been waiting for!

Via Aisha.

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I think I may finally be done with this Star Trek.